Miami's The Weekly News Review

Nic, Nick & NICU

Of 21 festival films I reviewed for The Weekly News, Little Man is the only one to get a *** 1/2 (out of ****) rating.  I'm a tough grader.

by Steve Warren, Syndicated Film Critic

I don't know which is more amazing, the story told in "Little Man" or the growth Nicole Conn has shown as a filmmaker since her debut with the lesbian romance "Claire of the Moon."

More amazing than either is how captivated I was by this documentary, which I had to force myself to watch. Ordinarily I have no feelings — maternal, paternal or infernal — toward infants; I'm not interested in them until they're capable of intelligent conversation. So what do I care about one who's born a hundred days early, weighing less than a pound?

A good documentary can make you care about a subject that's not usually high on your list of interests.

"Little Man" is such a personal piece of filmmaking, Conn makes Michael Moore look like an impartial observer by comparison. It's easy to get it wrong when you're that close, but she's gotten it exactly right.

Conn's partner, Gwen Baba carried their first child, Gabrielle, but they decided to use a surrogate when they wanted another. The woman they hired misrepresented her health status and in the 25th week of her pregnancy the fetus had to be removed to save her life. Thus was Nicholas James Baba-Conn born on March 15, 2002.

There were early warning signs of problems with the child when there was still time to terminate the pregnancy.  Everyone, including pragmatic Gwen, thought that was the wisest course of action; but Nicole, the passionate poet, wouldn't let it happen. Gwen gave in because she knew Nicole wouldn't.

Despite tremendous odds against his survival, Nicholas spends 158 days in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit, or NICU (NICK-you). Nicole spends every day there with him. As one doctor tells her later, "You were an enormously strong advocate for Nicholas. You were also a pain in the ass."

And as Nicholas endures one crisis after another, even Nicole has moments of doubt about whether the quality of his life will ever justify the suffering he's going through to stay alive: "When does caring become cruelty?"

If Conn seems to represent a "pro-life" viewpoint, pro-choicers have to remember that keeping a child alive is a valid choice, just as early feminists had to be reminded that if women were free to choose the life they wanted, they could choose to be housewives and mothers.
While Nicole is at the hospital with Nicholas, Gwen is home taking care of Gabrielle. The mothers have very little time together and it puts a strain on their relationship. For the film they sit side by side and — calmly, for the most part — discuss all the things they went through. Since it's Nicole's film she's able to give her own feelings more weight but Gwen's are adequately represented, and getting it out on camera probably saved them a fortune in therapy.

Around the midpoint of the film Nicholas is sent home after 158 days in NICU. That doesn't mean he's out of the woods or that Gwen and Nicole can resume a normal relationship. There are different stresses but they're no less stressful, even with 24-hour nursing help, and it takes some time to assemble the right team. As one home health nurse puts it, "You really end up settling for the person that you least dislike — and that's why I'm here."

Because the child is legally considered disabled the state of California is generous with financial aid for what at one point is dubbed "the $2.7 million baby." At no point does the gender of Nicholas' parents become an issue and it would take a pretty twisted individual to say that it should.

In the best soap opera tradition "Little Man" moves from crisis to crisis — there's no shortage of them — but there's also time for celebrations, starting with a party for Nicholas' one-week birthday, by which time the incredibly tiny baby has already beaten a lot of odds. If he lives to one year, we're told, his survival odds will be raised to 50 percent.

And if Nicholas grows up he'll be able to watch "Little Man" and know he was loved as no child was ever loved. At this writing he's three years old and he, big sister, "Mommy and Mommy Co-Co" are doing fine.